donna

pattern project for 2D... totally understable if you find it a slow read.

2005-03-03T06:15:11Z

10:30 pm. tuesday, march 1st.
smashing pumpkins - tonight,tonight.
danielle, connor, simon, nathan and i.
first concerts? worst concerts? beads. orange wawa crates. may + caroline. may's tweed jacket. teal american spirit can. maggotbrain-parliament funkadelic. warm red glow of smoke lamp. comfortable + relaxing. will simon ever perform surgery? yes. but not legally. may's and my fears of surgery. prominent browns: tan carpet, may's sweater, light brown rug, khaki pants, connor's pant stripe, shirt, hat(dark), beanbag + pillows. wooden furniture. purple of jacket(velvet). smokey. vanilla scented tobacco. pipe. feeling yourself disintegrate-flaming lips. yuppage.
12:20 am. pale purple bowl. with yellow stripes - easter egg style. crosswords scattered on the floor. sly - que sera, sera. i love that song. unbreakble. m night shamalon. satan's road. clowns? the village. skurrry. bored by plot. already know it. little wing - hendrix.
1:16 am. more hendrix... mother simon's mexican children? i get to name them too! house trained? baby wall decorations? empire ashtrays->revolts. baby solution=perfect society. hot commodity. train fuck?? double powers of amusement. the old bay incident. everybody's gotta learn sometime - beck.
1:36 am. i totally thought it was an hour later than it is.
1:46 am. 3rd planet - modest mouse. final fantasy. omelet yellow shirt. fuzzy->happy. intermission to do tom vance hw. everyone filtered to bed. simon + i sit and do work. he's painting something i'm pretty sure was due a week ago. i'm using micropens to do a 18" x 24" drawing. worst scenario ever. all i see is black + white. my eyes hurt. we listen to the mix cd i made for danielle. he clearly enjoys it more than she did + tells me i have adorable taste in music. he makes me hot chocolate with mini marshmellows, which disappointingly enough are NOT made of sedatives. we share an orange and talk about high school. i'm out of cigarettes again. i think of how much money i've wasted on cigarettes and get slightly depressed.
4:58 am. i decide to leave seeing as we've both morphed into flesh eating zombies... minus the flesh eating part. i open the door to complete whiteness.
"fantastic. more snow. shit, it's totally laying."
"well, there is nothing like a good lay donna."
"right. on that note, goodnight."
so i venture back to the dorms and it's beautiful and still. the snow looks like raining glitter. the breezeway is flooded again. giant yellow "wet floor" sign. get to my room + carly has left me a small painting. its sky blue with vibrant swirls and white blossoms. i love it + hang it up. i feel totally fulfilled.
5:17 am. i crawl into my gigantor tie-dye bed of goodness and pass the fuck out.

v-day dinner

2005-02-16T06:23:06Z

before.

the toast.

TA TA TA TA and simon.

carly seducing me.

conner and sean.

dancing with elaina.

simon is my love muffin.

my ladies.

<3!!!
happy belated lovers day.

std always says it best

2005-01-03T01:42:23Z

Oh great
here I go again I'm stuck in this rut
and I'm not sure how to begin- should I tell you everything?
I'm feeling out of luck so I won't see you soon
'cause I know it's too soon for you to see me-
if this is the last thing you do just tell me that it's o.k. for me to have these feelings for you
and that it's normal to want to call you.
Oh I'm dialing the phone and I'm letting it ring for hours and I'm pretending to hear your voice-
Why does my heart always beat before yours does?
After a while you can make yourself believe in almost anything,
so I'm making myself believe in you.

</3

2004-12-30T06:51:01Z

You're the first person that I've wanted to talk to for more than five minutes ever.

subjecttochange @ 2004-09-13T19:14:00

2004-09-13T23:15:37Z

dusty died this morning.

subjecttochange @ 2004-08-17T05:45:00

2004-08-17T09:49:56Z

i forgot to go to bed tonite.
good times.

no more sausages...

2004-06-15T21:07:51Z

How to make a subjecttochange

Ingredients:

5 parts pride

1 part ambition

5 parts awesome

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of wisdom and enjoy!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

porch party 2004.
<3

subjecttochange @ 2004-06-05T17:27:00

2004-06-05T21:32:33Z

thanks rain, for ruining my hersey park trip today.
oh well.
seven more days until the real fun begins.
not that the past week or so hasn't been VERY interesting...

can't wait.

<3

subjecttochange @ 2004-05-30T00:43:00

2004-05-30T04:51:17Z

best night.
ever.
party at nacrelli's.
sooooo great.
saw art and soulfuck and birney.
been spending a lot of time with mike and pat.
i don't know what i'd do without them.
spending time with people who love you and make you feel good is what's up.
this summer couldn't get any better.

xo.

Is this what you call tact?
I swear you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back

Let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun.

2004-05-01T01:04:41Z

Can you keep a secret? I'm trying to organize a prison break. We have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out?

71 days.

2004-04-17T18:25:06Z

you can't even touch where i'm at right now.

i could die right now. i'm just... happy. i've never felt that before. i'm just exactly where i want to be.

garden state.

2004-04-08T04:38:06Z

can't wait.

subjecttochange @ 2004-03-30T11:56:00

2004-03-30T16:57:22Z

crazy people are so entertaining.

How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

m'aimer pour qui je suis

2004-02-18T04:24:07Z

couldn't be happier.

you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.

subjecttochange @ 2004-02-10T21:52:00

2004-02-11T03:25:50Z

i hate frankie on real world.

subjecttochange @ 2004-02-10T01:00:00

2004-02-10T06:26:44Z

i had an epiphany tonight.

oh you think you've got it

2004-02-09T06:33:59Z

good fucking weekend.
for my darling nick i got up at 8 am yesterday morning.
and he dragged my sleepy ass to his band practice.
i got to watch butterfly effect (plus like 4 other movies since we were there til 6 pm)
it was way more disturbing than i expected.
at 6 we headed to their show some skate park.
the boys looked like retards on wheels.
me,nicole, and lisa just pointed/laughed/took pictures of them on their asses.
rocked DDR too :)
after the show, todd, pat, nicole, nick and i went to dennys. verrrrrrrrrrrrrry interesting.
i tried to be a bum today but i ended up going with monica to take candice back to school.
we ate at cosi and had some interesting conversation.
by this time next week there will be a star in the sky named after me. haha. ew.
after that i went back to monicas for a bit.
it was soooooooo good to see my spice girls<3
im really tired and cant wait to get in bed.
stupid boys. being cute with me. i should know better.
ugh. but i dont.

subjecttochange @ 2004-02-07T16:04:00

2004-02-07T21:05:38Z

hahaha.
that darn pot.
always calling the kettle black.

subjecttochange @ 2004-02-07T01:04:00

2004-02-07T06:36:10Z

Cigarettes & sleep
are the only things that keep me from losing my mind
maybe in time you'll know that
Without you I am nothing
I have always acted blind
I'm never coming home because you left me all alone last night
and you never even showed up in the morning
And so I try to find a way to hold it in
I guess you win this time
Good friends are hard to find

feck you! this is a house of lies

2004-02-06T07:09:09Z

so my bedroom has been transformed into a cluttered art studio. its bad enough that i can't settle on finishing one piece, but now i can't settle on a medium. its just one big mess of art supplies littered on the floor. but im not complaining. i've been accomplishing a lot despite the fact i've been holing myself up there drawing. ive been digging through photos to do the background of my project. and listening to my old mixtapes. oh the nostalgia. manimisstheyear2000! the drawings are coming out way better than i expected. i'm tacking them to my wall until i finish them all and am ready to cut them out and make a collage.
besides that, danby is leaving for california this weekend. and he told me to finish his painting. the painting i started four years ago. and i thought it would be really nice if i could finish it for him before he left... but its seeming more doubtful every time i work on it. im really going to miss him. but i know this is a great opportunity, because anyone who has ever met danby knows his potential is limitless.
tomorrow, pat and i are finally hanging out, and i feel like crap because i never went to visit him after his accident (i did call several times though)and HE called me up to tell me he missed me and was thinking of me. i need more people like him in my life<3
hung out with nick last night and am going to see his new band play this weekend. should be fun.

sigh.
xo.

"Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping
I'm empty and aching and I don't know why
Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike
They've all gone to look for America

subjecttochange @ 2004-02-03T16:34:00

2004-02-03T21:55:26Z

dear sara,
i fucking hate you.
everyone knows you're lying.
quit kidding yourself.
keep my name out of your mouth.

subjecttochange @ 2004-01-31T03:42:00

2004-01-31T09:01:57Z

im glad no one has any respect for me whatsoever.
thats awesome.

how many of you saw this coming? i sure did.

2004-01-29T07:56:52Z

My inner child is one year old!

Everything is new to me. I like watching the world
go by around me, and I don't sweat the small
stuff--or the large stuff, either. Just so long
as I stay warm and safe and dry, life's pretty
good.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

gay gay gay gay gaygayayaysahgdyassdjkhf

2004-01-29T06:40:19Z

man im pissed.
fucking people.
maybe i am bitter.
these past four years have really turned me inside out.
i keep wondering if im the same person my friends met years ago.
i don't feel like it.
change is so gradual you don't even notice, then one day it knocks you upside the head.
where am i? who are these people? what happened?
who the hell knows.
who the hell knows why posting this in an online journal makes me feel a smidge better?

anyways. today we ventured to the elkton maryland courthouse to legalize my sisters marraige. im really happy for them, he takes such good care of her. my mom can be a faggot about it all she wants. and people can 'not understand' still their blue in the face. knowing my sister is truely happy is one of the best feelings in the world. and if i thought for one second he would hurt her, i'd murder him.
let people be happy.
i dont understand why someone always has to rain on the parade.
fuck that.

and as promised. ive been ultra-productive.
did major course work. and started a new art project. entirely unnecessarily complicated. probably take months to finish. but man, once thats done... its going to be amazing. and probably the most meaningful piece i'll ever do in my life.
and that also is one of the best feelings in the world.

ok, i am thoroughly cheered up. writing livejournal entries is so therapeutic. my friends always cheer me up by the time i get done posting. <3

i killed my goat: we decided to smother ourselves with pillows and die.

ChEEcaDee: eat a dick man
wecangetdownTHG: for real man.
wecangetdownTHG: fry one up and eat it.

getyourbikeandGO: thank you, st john the beloved

Congratulations! you're Asshole Jeff!! Blunt and to
the point... but you're probably not being
honest as much as really just trying to hurt
their feelings. After all.. misery loves
company, and who is more miserable than Asshole
Jeff. Suicide is your only option from here.

Which Jeff Raum Persona Are You?!?
brought to you by Quizilla

pffffft

2004-01-27T18:07:49Z

You are Donna. You are very bitter and want to take
over the world. But, somewhere in there you
have a soft spot for your girls. You love
diners and The Smashing Pumpkins.

Which one of Rory's Amazing Friends Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

bitter? since when?